One of the the things that really helps pick me up is what I spent most of my Christmas vacation working on. As I spoke last time about voicelessness and that feeling of disenfranchisement, today I want to show you and share with you all what I do to recover that feeling or at least what I try to make myself less suicidal.
This song is from Pitch Perfect (2012) and is sung by Anna Kendrick. I practiced for so long with whatever cup or mug or round implement I could source to get this good and I still screwed it up in the middle. Cups, when I first heard it, reminded me of You’re Beautiful by James Blunt in that it could have been about suicide. Whereas Blunt’s song is about the loss of a friend, I found Cups to be what I’d say to the world and everybody in it before I topped myself. It is too upbeat to actually have anything to do with suicide; most likely, it’s about a girl threatening to dump her lover. Yet, my warped and twisted mind didn’t see that, so on my quest to recapture and find my lost (or hopefully, just misplaced!) voice, I started singing this song.
Another thing I would like to share with you is a multivox recording I made a few months ago and it’s been one of my favourite songs ever since the musical episode of Grey’s Anatomy. It’s my cover of Chasing Cars, originally recorded by Snow Patrol. I was feeling a bit better in my own skin during the day I recorded this and I hope you’ll listen through. The last 2 or so minutes are the best. This is probably what gives me the greatest joy: recording the melody and then layering harmony lines sung by myself because no one else would have me, but then I can’t get away from my own voice and what it can do. This is also something I am proud of and it’s not even something I can do that well. Just goes to show, I guess, that everyone has some glimmer of light in their life evening if it’s on the blink or fading most of the time. Just another way media and embracing it can help those who battle depression every day and take you back to a time when you felt music move you and rush through your every nerve and pore. I hope I find my way back and have Music for a While in every meaning.
If you would like to reacquaint yourself with what I have said previously about losing music, please visit: DeathStar Disco
As anyone who knows me is aware, a telltale sign that I’m spiraling or trying desperately hard to get through the day to tomorrow is that I drown out whatever thoughts or feelings that are percolating in my errant brain by playing certain songs. I have a chosen few songs that are so poignant and meaningful to me and often – and without exaggerating whatsoever – are the difference between life and death.
I would like to share with you just the most memorable of these.
“Light Outside” by Wakey!Wakey!
“Vande Mataram” from “Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham”
“Portrait of My Wife” by Seth Lakeman
“Shame” by Robbie Williams & Gary Barlow
“11” by Cassadee Pope
“Kiss It Better” by He is We
“Gravedigger” (Acoustic) by Dave Matthews
“Breathe (2AM)” by Anna Nalick
“You are my Sunshine” by Frank Turner
“Starbuck” by DeathStar Disco
“Imba Wimbo” from “Mighty Joe Young”
“Runaway” by The Corrs
“Main Title” from “Free Willy”
“Childhood” by Michael Jackson
These are the songs that are probably the most likely to be played in my room during times of crisis, but it’s dawned on me (once more) that this blog is about media, so I’ll also share with you some of the films and TV shows (as I’ve just come back from seeing “Kingsman: The Secret Service”), if you care to read on…
Today, I found myself feeling as though my voice was being taken away from me and that is what prompted this mini-article/list. There are so many films, TV shows and songs about having a voice or finding your voice or some such notion, but when I sense it being diminished from the outside or just moving further and further away, I dive into films, music and television so I can find it again or replace it with Cordelia Chase’s voice, or Lucrezia Borgia’s voice. In those moments, when my own voice, identity and mens sana desert me, I turn to the ones I know never will. The ones that will always get me through the day…